I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
