Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
