we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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