She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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