I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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