Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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