OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
