Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
