I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This baby is an asshole
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
