and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
