Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
