Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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