We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
