I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
