i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
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You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
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I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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