hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
