so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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