You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
