my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize