is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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