oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
