she woke up with a sticky ear
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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