I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
