Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
