sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize