I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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