the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
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