Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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