Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
