Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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