you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
