Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
