return my video game
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
