I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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