I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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