Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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