I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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