Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
