I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
