I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
