Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
