omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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