Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I DEMAND FORESKIN
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
