Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
