So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
