I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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