Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
