if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
