Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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