So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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