Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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