today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
me + whiskey = a bad person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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