Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
