I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Randomize
