Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
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Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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