I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
