I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
