i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.