i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
