Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....