ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar