someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
