just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
