She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Be still, my beating vagina.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
