Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Randomize
