I feel great
I just peed on a car
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just googled if crying burns calories
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
