why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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