i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
