glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
