i don't like sucking hair
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
