In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
