Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
