Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
4 words: hood of his car
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
well, you know. whores of a feather.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
